First impressions
What comes easily in social situations is often forgotten at work. We want everyone to feel like they matter from the moment they walk through the door.
Say hello and smile | It sounds simple but being noticed when we arrive somewhere is crucial. It is easy to assume a person knows who they are looking for or where they are going; Even if they do still say hello. A friendly welcome sets the tone and can make a world of difference.
Stop what you are doing | If we are ready to talk to someone that means taking a moment to stop whatever we are doing to acknowledge them. In that moment we can let them know we will be with them shortly - it is more than okay to do that so we can find a good stopping point in what we are doing. The tough bit can be getting used to doing this.
Wait to respond | Assuming or trying to pre-empt what someone wants can feel like a good way of showing them we care but whilst that thought-process is going on it’s getting in the way of good listening and giving someone the space they need to express themselves.
Consider non-verbal communication | We are so much more than just the words we use. It is important we make sure our body language and tone of voice is on board with what we are trying to say.
Check in | When we feel like we might be reaching the end of an interaction with someone try to get a sense of where the person is now at and what would help. Is there a sense of clarity, connectedness or next steps that can be summarised for both of you?
Challenges
Whose job is it? | It’s everyone’s job to welcome people. Whatever your role, being welcoming shouldn’t feel like a distraction because it can be crucial to the work of any organisation. To help this become a priority and happen routinely it can help to put systems in place, for example having a rota so that staff take it in turns to be ready to welcome people.
The look and feel of your space | We all feel something when we walk into somewhere new. How does it look? How does it smell? Is there somewhere to sit? Organisations may not have full choice over their space, but there are always small ways to make somewhere feel more welcoming, such as having pictures or plants in reception.
How someone is when they come to your door | People may be agitated, defensive or frightened when they come to your door. They may have communication difficulties. This can be hard to read and hard to handle. It’s important that staff feel prepared so they can be calm and positive.
Really valuing how people are welcomed | If we believe the welcome someone receives really matters, then do we pay attention to it and reflect on it? Are we open and honest when mistakes are made? Do we appraise staff members on the welcome they offer? Do we help train people to get it right? Do we think about this when we recruit new members of the team?
Time | It might be difficult for people to pluck up the courage to ask for help, if at all possible, try not to turn them away, listen to what they need.
Listening
Listening well is a key building block in relational practice. It takes skill, care and thought.
Be aware of body language and tone | We are so much more than the words we use. Smiling and making our body language open and welcoming speaks volumes. Facing a person and maintaining eye contact also allows us to read another’s body language and reaction. It helps us detect enthusiasm, boredom, or irritation for example and this helps frame our response.
Check you understand | Giving people space to speak is essential. We can easily tend to interrupt but this can make someone feel overridden or shut down. It’s often better to wait until the speaker pauses and ask open questions to clarify what has been said. This shows we are genuinely interested. Giving the speaker regular feedback, by for example paraphrasing what you have heard, or just nodding helps to show we understand.
Be empathetic | Trying to put ourselves in another’s place helps us to feel what it might be like. To show empathy we can ask open questions which start to explore the other person’s perspective, issue or barrier.
Be aware of distractions | It’s a skill to be able to put aside distracting sounds or thoughts so we can pay attention to what is said and listen without judgement. Taking a moment to intentionally put aside any distractions can help.
Be self-aware | It is especially important that we aren’t distracted by our own thoughts and biases.
Challenges
Communication difficulties | Listening well can be especially hard when there is a speech, language or other communication barrier. Circumstances like these may require more time which itself is a challenge, or even some dedicated support which may have resource implications. Being clear and honest about misunderstandings or limits to what can be offered is always important.
Jumping to assumptions | We all have our own life experiences that we recall when we hear someone speaking. That’s inevitable and we need to be aware of it, taking care not to apply our own perspective to someone else’s experience.
Giving time and space for someone to say what they need to | We often feel rushed but taking time early on to really hear and understand someone can save time down the line and help get things right. This might need your whole team to agree that giving people space is a priority and should form part of the way of working.
Managing silences | It can feel uncomfortable when no one is saying anything and we often jump in to fill the gaps, but silences can be helpful and don’t always need to be filled. Reflecting with colleagues on this or possibly some training can help.
Working environment | Distractions are all around us and sometimes we don’t have control over our space and working environments. Thought and planning can transform a space. Small changes can make a big difference. At least, acknowledging the challenges might make people feel respected and valued.
Responding
Listening well is only valuable if you then respond in a way that is appropriate, empathetic and useful.
Validate what you’ve heard and acknowledge the barriers someone is facing | An empathetic response helps to acknowledge the other person’s reality. Saying something such as “I can imagine that was really hard” helps to show we are seeing things from their perspective. It doesn’t require us to agree with their view, it simply shows their view is valid. Acknowledging what is difficult for someone tells them we can understand their individual circumstances and perspective.
Ask questions to help you both understand more | Asking questions helps fill in important pieces of information, and it’s a way of giving a response which doesn’t require us to have worked out an answer or what we think about a situation or problem.
Work from the stage someone is at | Even if we might have a good answer or suggestion for what someone might do, they may not be ready to go as far or as quickly. Our response needs to meet the person with what they are ready for, and recognise what is most pressing for them and needs to be talked about before they can think of anything else.
Don’t be afraid to challenge | Asking questions or presenting another possible point of view can be helpful if it’s done with care. It can help someone be clearer about what they are saying and what would actually help.
Do what you say you will do | People can feel let down by services, be aware of how this may impact on people, model how you would like to be treated. Whilst time is often limited if people phone, phone them back as quick as you can. If you don’t get hold of them, try again.
Challenges
Confidence on both sides | It takes confidence and skill to listen first, to ask good questions, to acknowledge what someone is experiencing, to be prepared to challenge with care, and to avoid feeling we must come up with an answer. People may feel they have never really been heard and need some space to build their trust and confidence.
Wariness due to past experiences | We all bring previous experiences to present situations and if we have not been treated respectfully or have been in rule-bound systems in the past we can be wary that history just repeats itself.
Expectations | That the professional has the answers. We don’t have to have answers, but we might have good suggestions. It’s often better when people are supported to come up with their own way forward, so we may not have or want to offer an answer. However, offering information so clients can make informed choices helps give them more control.
Frustration that someone doesn’t get the answer they want | If someone can identify what it is that they need e.g. a bigger flat for their growing family, it can be disappointing if that is not possible or cannot immediately be offered. The way in which we sometimes have to say no can help to mitigate some of the frustration. For example, we might not be able to prevent an eviction, but showing kindness and thinking through small things that could help make a difference at that time can go a long way.
Pressure to close a case | The reality is that caseloads are often high and we may be under pressure to achieve certain outcomes. Working in a relational way can lead to different outcomes which may be more relevant to people and save resources over time.
Getting it right.
There is no strict guide for putting relationships at the heart of everything you do, but we can identify signs that tell you it’s helping.
What does success look like?
People want to engage with the service | People continue to engage; they say they value and are valued by the service and are getting something positive from it. People get what they need not what you can offer.
People want to give back | In some services there are opportunities for people to become involved in design and delivery of the work. Numbers and consistency of people involved in that shows they value the service.
We see change | Slowly people make changes, we can see this both physically and in what they do and say. We hear from people that things have got better for them. People feel understood, important, validated, more in control and hopeful even if you are unable to give them the answer they are looking for.
People stay and come back | Engaging with a service can take a lot of energy and resource so remaining engaged is no small achievement. While the best outcomes are people moving on positively in their lives, we know people have complex lives and situations may arise where more support is needed. People returning shows they feel comfortable and may be a sign that they received the right help before.
There are better connections across services | Good working partnerships are in place. Acknowledging that one specific cannot offer everything someone needs but knowing what other services are available and how to access them provides complimentary support.
Possible challenges to address
Understanding the targets we are working towards | Working relationally means being open to greater flexibility in what we are working towards so it can be harder to pin down at the start the outcome we are seeking. Working relationally is not a nice-to-have, it is a must-have. In other words, it is not the icing on the cake, it is the cake.
People’s lives are complex | People may face a number of challenges and even if we work relationally their lives may not improve. At the same time, people often can’t be certain what it is that will help most and what they feel would make a difference may change over time. Working relationally allows for a journey to happen.
Conflicting targets | Sometimes funders, or managers, are looking for particular outcomes and this may counter a relational approach to openness as well as the outcomes someone identifies that they are seeking.
What we measure counts | Working relationally means being sure that what we measure and appraise fits with the approach and doesn’t revert us to more transactional outcomes. This requires us, as well as funders, commissioners and leaders, to trust and measure the process knowing that positive outcomes will follow.
Time | This isn’t a one off tick box exercise it requires constant attention, time and reflection. Time invested will pay off, improve your offer and save time in the long run.
How to embed and extend to your organisation.
Embedding How Not What in the way an organisation works takes time and care, but it can transform the way you work.
Review systems and processes | We often have set ways of doing things because that’s how its always been done. A review of what systems you have in place, why, and how you could do things differently might be liberating, bring instant changes to how you work and bring staff on board. This may require time and investment but will undoubtedly save time and achieve better outcomes for the people you work with. It will involve thinking about what you need to do and what you need to stop doing.
Recruit relationally | Selecting staff on the quality of how they work alongside skills and experience for the job will ensure employees have a similar ethos and way of working. Slightly different questions may be needed at application and interview stage and you may want to test how applicants interact with the people you work with.
Supporting Staff | Giving staff time in supervision and appraisals to reflect not just on what they do but how they do it will help support staff and identify any training needs.
Keep Reflecting | Give staff/clients space to be creative and listen and implement their ideas to create a shared purpose and vision of putting relationships at the heart of services. Use resources already available. This way of working is not new, there are a lot of resources/information available.
Lead by example | Work collaboratively with your staff, be clear, set achievable goals, be vigilant and be there to observe their achievements and assist when your staff face challenges.
Challenges
Resistance | You may be intending to completely revise the way your team work, their roles maybe different to those they are familiar with. For some, the changes may be destabilising and frightening. Listen to your team, their experiences will be important if you are to affect change in a positive way. Accept that for some staff this might be a longer journey. If the culture is set and this is what is valued within your organisation it will help people to get onboard.
Regulations and enforcements | Whilst there may be a will to change, it will be difficult if there is an enforcement element in your role. For example collecting rent or evicting tenants as you will be switching between a transactional and relational way of working. Although challenging it is possible. It’s the way you do things that really counts. A tenant gave us an example of an officer organising and paying for a taxi on the day of their eviction, which although did not change the outcome, it valued them as people and made a difference to their experience.
Resources and capabilities | This change may need resourcing. Staff may need training and / or new equipment. Look at resources you have got and what you can do. Small steps can make a huge impact. A warm welcome by staff may make all the difference to the effectiveness of your service. Factor in resource implications in future service planning.
Time | This isn’t a one off tick box exercise it requires constant attention, time and reflection. Time invested will pay off, improve your offer and save time in the long.
What we measure counts | Working relationally means being sure that what we measure and appraise fits with the approach and doesn’t revert us to more transactional outcomes. This requires us, as well as funders, commissioners and leaders, to trust and measure the process knowing that positive outcomes will follow.