Insight: The Parent House

Taking stock - Gina Camputaro

January 2021: a moment to take stock of the previous year and to look ahead to the year to come.

With all the unexpected challenges we’ve been living through it’s hard to imagine that there’s time or energy to indulge in self-reflection…

Yet, if our work and experience has taught us anything it is precisely the importance of taking time out: to breathe deep, to check-in and to open up to that which is possible, to have space not just for that which is most pressing.

Looking back at the past year, I can see that the way we listen to parents sets up a similar kind of space for a parent looking for help: we’re welcoming and non-judgmental, the parent feels safe enough to set the agenda. It feels like someone is truly there for you. At the beginning of lockdown we couldn’t see how we could adapt. It all felt wrong! How could we work relationally online? We soon adapted and are now learning new skills and having fruitful remote conversations.

Is it perfect? No, but it’s the new norm and it is the best we can do. We call it ‘good enough’ and we strive for this daily.

We can still listen and if we are listening well enough, we start to adapt our response according to what parents say is good for them. We now need to adapt a few of our practices to support the listener.

As I look more closely, I see that this relational approach is all consuming for the listener, it feels a bit like the proverbial iceberg: so much more is going on below the surface and behind the scenes. So what does this mean for staff and volunteers who are doing all this amazing listening and what can we do to support them?

In pre-lockdown times we established a multi-layered structure of support, providing staff, groups and individuals with regular supervisions, a chance to off-load, recharge and to grow wisdom. We sat together at lunch time most days. Feedback was heartening.

Nowadays, due to limited opportunities for meeting, we are becoming more conscious of the role of resilience and the need for us all to take responsibility for nurturing our own resilience. We’ve established daily Zoom staff meetings, regular team meetings. We also set up lunch meetings, for a chance to just be.

We are also learning to nurture positivity and hope for a not-too-distant future when we can get back to learning from others – in person, face to face.